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Saturday, April 7th, 2012
9:58p - Mysteries of the toy box
Having a child means your house fills up with some very strange artifacts. This, for instance, is a sort of cube within a cube:

As you can see, somehow a cow's head as gotten jammed into the geometrical madness as well. I really don't know what it is, but my fear is that when my daughter solves it, the Cenobites will come.

Equally enigmatic is... this:

My theory is this is the herald probe of an alien race, launched aeons ago from a far-distant star to spread news of intelligent life across the galaxy. Encased in rock and exotic metals, these devices fell to Earth as meteorites, where they were totally misunderstood by an Early Learning Centre buyer and sold for £10 a piece.

Look, this is a map of the origin star system:

Pretty sure it's Epsilon Eridani.

Idealised representations of the Episilonian female (left) and male (right):

And the intergalactic symbols for carbon (top) and table salt (bottom):

This can only be a specialist gynaecological instrument:

A specialist gynaecological instrument belonging to Upsy Daisy:

And as you can see, few people are more in need of gynaecology than Upsy Daisy:

Derek Jacobi may be a national treasure, but that really isn't somewhere from which you want to hear his famous voice emanate.

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