internetsdairy (internetsdairy) wrote,

Brand disintegrity turns the milk chocolatey

I can't decide whether Sainsbury's are being incredibly lazy or incredibly ballsy with their own-brand cereal mascot. His* name is... Captain Cereal. That's either a will-this-do? concept shrugged out by whatever low-bidding agency** handles Sainsbury's own-brand portfolio, or a massive flag on a spike planted through the eye of Cornelius the Kellogg's Corn Flakes hen, claiming all cereal throughout space and time for Sainsbury's.

Here is Captain Cereal standing on the back of a packet of Sainsbury's Shreddies analog:

Oh... oh, god, we've come across Sainsbury's own-brand's mindfucking messaging before... According to the conventions of cartoons, Captain Cereal is thinking that Captain Cereal is saying that reading is really cool. But Captain Cereal is not actually saying that reading is cool, he's just thinking that he's (weirdly, in the third person) saying reading is cool.

I don't know what is going on here. Captain Cereal is, one imagines from his attire, meant to be some kind of superhero. But the only superpower he seems to have is supershyness! He's too timid to even assert a liking for his hobby. Maybe he's worried Tony the Tiger will overhear and give him a wedgie? WHAT KIND OF A SUPERHERO CEREAL MASCOT IS THAT???

*Of course it's a he - the world of cereal mascotry is terribly patriarchal, although apparently Crackle identifies as two-spirit.

**An agency that probably doesn't even supply its creative executives with free cereal - and I have it on good authority that creative executives' brains can't even pump interstitial fluid from one lobe to the other unless fuelled by all nine varieties of Krave.
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I'm bothered by his costume ears. They aren't cereal themed. One would almost think that the Captain went for the laziest visual superhero shorthand when conceiving his costume.
"I guess I'll make it like batman...only in less assertive colors. Black is so confrontational."
I like to think he's off duty here. When a nearby breakfast is under threat, his niacin levels drop and the resulting headache prompts him to pop behind a milk jug and change into his proper costume.
Krave is some potent shit. I felt like I had kept on truckin' like a fabulous furry freak with cheech and chong on a ragga tip after the lord mayor's show tuned in turned on dropped off when I had some. Maybe Captain Cereal thinks he's speaking out loud the words he's merely thinking because he's all fucked up on Froot Loops?
Krave is very sugary, you're right.
Very sugary.
Clicking through here and reading some of your old posts remind me that Marks and Spencer's serving suggestions are that you should break down the product into its constituent parts.

In defiance of the laws of thermodynamics?